Saturday, June 29, 2013

Back to the start. Again.

Weight has pretty much always been an issue with me. I remember being in year 4 and looking at my school photo, comparing my size with that of the other girls on the year (and recognising a relationship between size and popularity even back then, I must have been advanced!). Actually if you go back even further I remember when I was 4 or 5 a dr commenting to my mum at a family visit that 'all but one' of us was healthy, and I assumed it was me, being fat, who wasn't. Now more than 30 years later, with some hindsight and photos of me with ribs I realise he was talking about my pack a day Marlboro red smoking mother but that comment has stayed with me since. Growing up in a house of 7 girls, I was always the larger one but again, with hindsight, I wasn't so much large as just larger. I was an adult size 12 for my year 6 graduation, my jean shorts in year 8 were an 11 (while my older sisters' wore 8's and 10's), at 68kg in year 10 I faked a sickie in science because we were told we'd have to weigh ourselves to find the class statistics, I was 71kg at 17 when my friend and I embarked on a huge weight loss mission because we considered ourselves obese. At 170cm, 71 is the upper limit but I think if I'd stayed 71, instead of dieting down to 51, I could possibly still be there today but instead I've gone up and down ever since. 73 when pregnant with c1, 90 at giving birth, 68 with c2, 88 at birth, and I forget the others but know I only got to 91 with c4 despite starting at 85. I figured, wrongly lol, that 90 must have been my upper limit of the weight my body wanted to stay at.
2 years ago I got down to 76 with a lot of exercise. Then c2 started school and with that stress, combined with whispers heard about how selfish I was doing so much exercise without the kids, my weight has climbed since then. The past few months, I've exceeded my highest weight ever. It's now time, past time, to try again. This time, now that I am 'middle aged' (argh! Lol) the reasons are as much about vanity as they are about health. 
But mostly I just want to go to sleep every night without rolling onto my stomach so I can't feel any fat rolls, and without berating myself for a bad food day and calculating how many cals to eat the next day.
So right now, I'm going on a bike ride with 3 kids, wearing size 18 tights and my husband's shirt. Looking fancy.

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