Wednesday, May 29, 2013


Every night I lie down with my kids and wait for them to go to sleep. Yes it's sometimes tedious, and sometimes there are just way too many other things I should be doing, and sometimes I end up falling asleep with them and don't get any time with my husband at all. It all started with c2's anxiety, he simply could not go to sleep with the nightly debrief and reassurances that we loved him despite his recurrent morning meltdowns. Sometimes even with all of the cuddles and tickles and talks he would still be wide eyed and restless at 11pm - by that stage my anxiety had increased (calculating how many hours sleep he should be getting and needed to cope with all of his worries vs how much he was actually getting) which sometimes made me snappy which didn't help him become relaxed at all! So yeh, the other kids who used to go to their own beds at bedtime happily started to ask for their own bedtime cuddles/talks and every time I rejected them I became filled with guilt, especially when in the morning they were also pushed aside as we tried to make the mornings run smooth for c2. So the new routine became c3 and c4 would go to bed with me first, followed by c2. C1 initially stayed awake with dad, which worked because c2 didn't want anyone else to go to bed with him when he was in his anxious phase but now c1 joins us. It doesn't take too long these days for everyone to be asleep, half an hour for all 4 kids would be the maximum time. But after all that lying down it is hard to get back up. Something else others don't understand about this arrangement is that our kids share bedrooms and they are close together. The times we attempted to leave c2 alone in his bedroom were disastrous for everyone, he woke everyone up, and once started a night terror for c4 in the process. Plus he would only work himself up more, meaning less sleep, meaning a bad morning etc etc until everyone was overtired and over it. We do try periodically, usually following a stay at someone else's house, whose kids watch the clock til 7.30 at which point they march themselves off to bed. Man. I want that! When I hear of people actually watching a movie with their husband after the kids have gone to bed, I want that too. I see other couples having a drink and cleaning up after dinner together and I even want that (although realistically that would never happen!). But if it did it would be nice ;) Anyway c2 is asleep now and I'm getting a bit sick of writing this post. It was not meant to be so long, or a justification for the one snippet I wanted to share that came out of bed sharing tonight. The first thing c2 said when the lights were off and our heads on the pillows? "Mum I didn't tell anyone at school today that you night have pooed when you pushed us out" lol of all the things that were on his mind after the day, and this is it. I think that's his way of showing his love for me!

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